I used to get drunk - completely wasted - all the time. It was what I did to escape reality. It was almost the only way I could make it through each day. Times seemed hard, like everything was against me, and I just couldn't win, no matter how hard I tried.
Now I don't get drunk, and I don't have to escape reality. Now I know what reality really is. I can make it through every day, no matter how rough it seems, and I give all of that credit to God. Sure there's times when I still get angry or down, but if it continues on, I know it is because I am not focusing on the right thing. I no longer have to make it through everyday alone. I have Jesus with me always, and not just Him alone, but the friends, or as He says, the brothers and sisters God has given me in Christ. PEOPLE I can talk to. Real life people to connect with, who know Jesus, know God's word, and deal with some of the same things I deal with.
It's, refreshing, relieving, and very helpful.
Over this past year, I have separated myself from these wonderful people God has placed in my life. Yes, I talked to people, smiled and held real conversations, prayed, laughed, and cried with them, but I never let them in. That HURT! I became very lonely, right in the middle of everyone I know, and that was not good. Somehow, I managed to isolate myself right in the middle of a crowd. I was struggling very hard emotionally. I could look around and see things were not too bad in my life and my family, but I felt like everything was horrible! Deceived by my feelings, and tricked into believing it was all real.
What happened is that I wasn't trusting anybody. At least not enough to let them so far in that they could get to know who I really am. I didn't want to get hurt like I have with so many relationships, so I purposely kept a wedge between them and myself all the time. The thing about it is, I didn't even realize I was doing it. I prayed with people wholeheartedly, I had no problem passing by genuinely smiling, saying "hi", shaking hands, or telling them about my family briefly, but I "knew" that I couldn't let anyone in on how I really felt if I was having trouble in some area or areas of my life. That's where the snowball began.
On top of all of that, I would almost never make time to actually visit people, have their families visit with mine, or make time to just get together and relax to watch a football game and have a good time. I always felt I was too busy. Like I had to work. If I wasn't working, I felt I had to help with the dishes, or do something at the house. If not that, I felt like I better spend time with my kids, and if not them, then I felt I needed to spend time with my wife, or I had better be learning about God or praying. For some reason I felt like if I was relaxing, I was doing something wrong, and everything felt very grudging. I felt like I always had to be doing something. I was being very selfish, but at the same time, I completely forgot to take care of me. I forgot that I need time to relax. Time to pray because I want to. Time to watch a football game, or hang out and joke with my friends. Have some real deep down conversations, and let people in. So what if I get hurt by them? I'll never know if I don't try.
So now I'm letting people in. I quit being scared anymore. I can even laugh and joke with my wife much more often, and that's important, and not to mention - FUN! I am not trying to be all selfish here and say that everything is all about me, lol. It starts with me though. On the inside of me, because what's on the inside is what's going to come out. I really intended for this blog to be different today, but I think Jesus just helped me out even more while I was writing this. God is awesome, and always setting us free. I thank Him for that. I'm realizing that I need people, and we can't do this on our own. I look at the Bible and see that 1 Corinthians 12: 12-31 is all about the body of Christ. It describes how each Christ follower is a part of the body of Christ, and we all need each other and should have equal concern for each other:
"Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many. " (1 Corinthians 12: 12-14).
It later says, in verse 20, "As it is, there are many parts, but one body." I am now just really starting to understand this. Christians were not meant to isolate themselves, and I am so glad to be a part of Christ's body, and attend such an awesome church like Crossroads in Lafayette where there are so many loving people reaching out and reaching in to help change lives all the time. I thank God for what He has done and continues to do for me and my family. I am so thankful for all the great connections He has given me with people, and I am working on reaching out more, and letting people in. It's what we're called to do. I keep thinking that isolating yourself the way I talked about is like tying a string too tight around one of your body parts, and if you left it there for too long, that part would eventually turn colors and fall off because there is no blood flow. I don't want to do it anymore, and I hope no one else does either. I hope we can all learn to love the people God has put in our lives, and stay connected to our brothers and sisters in Christ. After all, they may just be the answers we've been praying for!
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